


Doesn't This Place Feel One Species Short?

by missliverpoolfc



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fluff, Humor, I Blame Tumblr, I Don't Even Know, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-23 21:17:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1579832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missliverpoolfc/pseuds/missliverpoolfc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Steve,” – Bucky groans – “This is the less one species directed place in the planet Earth!” – and this conversation is seriously giving Bucky a headache.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doesn't This Place Feel One Species Short?

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by [THIS](http://cryoboyfriendsheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/83735362199/steve-and-bucky-get-a-cat-and-name-her-peggy-and) post on Tumblr.

 

\- “No,” – Bucky says when Steve enters their room, he’s got _that_ look on his face – “there’s no way.”

Steve manages to look defensive, hurt, and hopeful all at once. The hurt part is already making Bucky feel bad, but he’s not falling for it.

\- “Why not?” – Steve says, voice more defensive than hurt. _Good_.

\- “I don’t want to,” – he crosses his arms over his chest just to make it clear, also because he is wearing the I ‘heart’ Captain America t-shirt Stark gave him last Julystmast.

\- “Why not?” – Steve is starting to sound like a broken record and Bucky wonders how much annoyment he can project in his current condition, sitting in their bed, feet tangled in a mess of blankets, hair pointing in all directions, I ‘heart’ Captain America t-shirt, and, probably, messed up eyeliner.

\- “I just don’t.”

\- “You have to have reasons, else, you’ll be just a jerk,” – Bucky notices the tentative step Steve takes toward the bed and narrows his eyes at him.

\- “You said you wouldn’t force me. You said you’d wait till I was ready!” – his punk of a boyfriend frizzes and blinks at him, confused.

\-  “Wait,” – he says – “What are we talking about?”

\-  “We are not adopting a cat!” – because, really, Steve can’t be that stupid; plus it’s too early in the morning to be having this conversation.

\-  “Right,” –it’s Steve turn to cross his arms – “Why not?”

Bucky sighs, it’s really _too_ early, he needs coffee and to brush his hair, – “You remember what happened the last time you decided we needed a cat?”

Steve frowns – “You gave her to Mrs. Sully so she wouldn’t feel alone after her husband passed away.”  – So, that’s what he had told Steve?

\- “We don’t have enough room,” – he says intead, because he doesn’t have the heart to break the news – or the olds – to Steve right now. Perhaps later, if he keeps insisting about the damned thing.

\- “Buck, you can’t be serious. Our bathroom is bigger than our old place. We have an entire floor for us!”

Yeah, that. – “We don’t have time,” – it is not even a lie. Between the recovering memories process, establishing a relationship, acquaintancing themselves with a brand new world, and the frequent and not at all tiring endeavor of saving the world; they really had not time.

\- “We happen to live in a tower full of people. Also, I’m sure Jarvis can help,”

\- “You are right, Sir,” – Jarvis’ smooth, accented voice comes out of nowhere. Bucky rolls his eyes and tells Steve, very slowly, that the people who live in the tower are as busy as they are; besides, how can Jarvis take care of a cat without hands? – “Dummy can do that part of the job, Sir” – Jarvis says, Bucky thinks the A.I sounds very excited about the whole babysitting cat idea.

\- “Why do we _need_ a cat, anyway?”

\- “Because this place feels one species directed,” – only Steve could say something as stupid, sometimes Bucky really worries about him.

\- “Steve,” – Bucky groans – “This is the less one species directed place in the planet Earth!” – and this conversation is seriously giving Bucky a headache – “We literally got one and a half Alien Norse God, a fire breathing woman, a big _green_ beast, super soldiers – that’s us by the way – a narcissistic asshole, spies, and robots, Steve, robots! – perhaps it’d be easier to smash some sense with his metal arm into Steve’s head – “Ok, say you got your cat, what would be next? A fucking hippogriff?”

- “Wait, are those a _real_ thing?”

Bucky sighs and then breaths very, very slowly, smashing something sounds so good right now. Dammit, he truly needs coffee.

\- “Look, you don’t have to say yes right now,” – stars and stripes says, sitting in the bed, and when did he get so close? – “Just think about it, okay?”

Of course it is a lie, Bucky knows. Steve still has _that_ look on his face, the look that says he already bought the stupid cat, the look he gave Bucky eighty years ago when he brought home a cat and they had this same discussion for the first time.

\- “Fine,” – he hisses, he needs coffee and Stark. Because he is sure Stark’s going to team up with him in the no cat business.

 

* * *

 

Stark doesn’t. The _traitor_.

Ms. Potts and Dr. Banner love the cat idea, and Stark – the sissy he is – can’t say ‘No’ to them.

So, that night Bucky finds himself sharing his bed, his I ‘heart’ Captain America t-shirt, and his _boyfriend_ with a two weeks old, ginger-brownish, fluffy kitty that has not respect for Bucky’s constitutional right to sleep as he pleases.

Steve has the growling, annoying creature draped in _Bucky’s_ I ‘heart’ Captain America t-shirt, and he’s curled in bed, pressing the damn little thing against his chest in a vain intent to calm the howls and stop the feline from waking up the entire city of New York.

Four days later the yowls have stopped but the beast is not less exasperating. It has to be feed with a bottle and still sleeps pressed against Steve chest, which was –if anyone cares to remember – Bucky’s place.

On the fifth day, when they are having breakfast in the common kitchen, Steve asks how they should name the critter.

\- “Peggy,” – Bucky says, because she is sucking Steve’s full attention and behaves like Bucky is invisible. Of course he hadn’t meant it, but Pepper and Steve are looking at him like he just eradicated hunger from the world.

\- “That’s very kind and sweet of you, James,” – Pepper says, smiling at him and touching his metal wrist, because she’s spent enough time with Stark and by now she doesn’t get uncomfortable about metallic limbs.

\- “So, she’s basically Peggy Catter,” – Stark laughs at his own lame joke till Pepper kicks him under the table. – “What was that for?” – He exclaims, offended. – “It was Bourne’s idea!” – Ms. Potts kicks him again and Bucky is grateful, he still doesn’t understand that reference.

\- “Uh, thanks Buck,” – Steve’s eyes are definitely watering and he looks down at the insufferable kitty in his hand – because, _of course_ , Steve has to carry the damn thing everywhere – and tries the name a couple of times until the cat stares at him with her big brown eyes and meows like she is a lioness instead of a tiny ball of fur the size of a tennis ball.

Bucky just nods, he can’t really say it was a joke without breaking Steve’s heart. So, Peggy it is.

 

* * *

 

Peggy is ruining Bucky’s sex life, _again_.

It’s not only her sleeping all over Steve’s chest; it’s her getting pissed up every time Bucky as much as touches Steve and it’s Steve not wanting to do _anything_ in front of her. As if Jarvis doesn’t already watch everything they do. And it’s just a cat, for god’s sake!

Bucky is starting to plan her murder. He really likes sex, thank you very much. He decides it has to look like an accident, but that’s not the actual problem – he is the Winter Soldier, Russia’s Greatest Assassin, after all – problem is: he truly does not want to make it looks like anything; he only wants to crush her with his metal arm. Two weeks without sex are making him very stressful.

He thinks all his tribulations are coming to an end when the brainless creature starts using the God of Thunder Mighty Hammer as her personal scratching post. He thinks Thor will smash Peggy with that goddamn big hammer of his and gone she will be and it would be her own damn fault; but, of course, Thor doesn’t smash her. It seems Mighty Thor finds all the hammer deal very amusing, and he, as a matter of fact, likes cats very much. Bucky wonders if it is because of that crazy brother of his; Loki or whatever he’s called. The guy looks like a kind of cat guy. He, indeed, acts like a cat himself; all exasperatingly self-centered and feral.

However, Bucky’s problems seem to really be coming to an end. With her new pastime, Peggy starts neglecting Steve in order to scrape her little claws against Thor’s hammer. Hence, it’s very easy just to grab her and drop her in Thor’s floor every now and then.

Once, Peggy disappears for the entirety of three days. She doesn’t actually disappear, she’s in Thor’s quarters, but that’s the longest she’s been there without coming out to check on Steve. So, Bucky decides to go look after her, hoping to find her smashed under Mjol-whatever. A man can dream.

Instead of the pool of blood and fur he is eager to find, he walks into a more disturbing scene. Thor and his psycho brother, a.k.a the God of Mischief, both tangled in Thor’s red cape – which is not big enough to cover all their naked glory– lying on the couch. Peggy is warped on Loki’s back; she opens her eyes when Bucky enters the room, and looks at him like he’s an annoying insect that’s disturbing her dreams. From his spot, draped above Thor, Loki gives Bucky exactly the same annoyed look, before closing his eyes like nothing’s happened.

When Bucky gets into his room, – without Peggy, because brothers and _naked_ – he subtly suggests to Steve that Peggy shouldn’t hang up so much with Thor. He doesn’t say why, not sure how Steve would take the whole incest thing, and if he sounds like a concerned parent, well fuck it. He doesn’t want Peggy in that sort of environment. She is cunning, spoiled, self-absolved and evil, so she’s only an adjective away from becoming Loki. Bucky sure as hell won’t let it happen in his watch.

 

* * *

 

Steve is in Zürich in a World Leaders Meeting or whatever; Bucky had stopped paying attention after Zürich and two weeks. Ms. Potts is there too, as CEO of Stark Industries, she is the most powerful woman _in the world_ , or so says that ‘Time’ magazine Bucky found on Steve’s desk two days ago – He read it because he was _bored_ –.  Stark and Banner locked themselves in the Lab levels as soon as Ms. Potts was on the aircraft, Bucky hasn’t seen them since.

With Pepper and Banner out of the game, Thor is the next in line – even after the couch episode – to take care of Peggy in Steve’s absence. But Thor had left to Asgard two days before Steve, because of some friend of him having a child. And clearly, Thor couldn’t miss it. – ‘No every day you become father for the fifteenth time!’ – Yeah, whatever. Thing is, it’s been more than one week and Thor hasn’t come Earth yet. So he’s out as well.

Romanoff is on a mission – not that Bucky would ever ask her to look over Peggy; the spy is not very fond of cats, or animals in general, and she could make it look like an accident, an accident in which _Bucky_ would be found guilty – Thus, she’s never really been into the game.

Wilson wants to know why he doesn’t want to look after Peggy. He asks if Bucky is afraid of becoming attached – which Bucky isn’t – or afraid of failure – which isn’t the case either – The whole deal develop into a one sided therapeutic speech, because Sam is still trying to go all therapeutic on Bucky, even though he doesn’t have a freaking psychology diploma. This leaves Wilson out and erased of the list.

Apparently, taking care of Captain America’s cat is not S.H.I.E.L.D business, or that’s what Hills tells him when he calls to request agents to look after the cat. S.H.I.E.L.D is out too, as always.

As a last recourse, Bucky asks Barton to watch over the cursed cat, – “Cats eat birds, dude,” – the man says, not even looking away from the plasma screen as he plays Mario Kart.

Consequently, Bucky has to babysit the monstrous kitty. It is okay, he guesses; Jarvis and Dummy really, _do_ help. Peggy starts following him around, sleeping pressed against his chest and scratching his metal arm playfully. It's all real nice, honestly. The hardest part is acting like the cat is not growing on him. Just like the _real_ Peggy did.

Bucky is reading Mockingjay, – Stark won’t let him watch the movies until he’s done with all the books – sitting on the bed and trying very hard not to allow himself to be bothered by the howling beast on the floor.

\- “I miss him too, okay?” – he says to the cat. She looks at him with big sad eyes and Bucky sighs, putting his book aside. – “Fine, get up here. But you can’t sleep on people’s beds forever, you are a grown up now. Once Steve’s here, we’ll find you a bed.” – as Peggy jumps up into his lap, Bucky wonders when did his life go so wrong, or so right. He used to be a living legend, the merely mention of his codename made people shake in fear and wish for a quick death. Now he talks to narcissistic cats, reads very delusional novels and wears an I ‘heart’ Captain America t-shirt. He has not plan to cut his hair or stop using eyeliner in the near future, so he can’t be _that_ bad.

To his defense, Bucky is not the only messed up around here. Now there’s a God – capital G there – that’s built like a brick shithouse, speaks Elizabethan and likes to get it from his brother; also, the nicest guy Bucky’s ever known, turns into a gigantic green beast that has a kink with the word _smash_. And if that is not enough, it seems like coffee now comes in flavors.

The future is weird.

 

* * *

 

Steve comes home exactly two weeks after he left.

Bucky’s sleeping, curled up underneath all the blankets he could find – not because he is cool, he is never cool anymore, but because he really likes blankets – metal arm over his face and Peggy tightly pressed against his chest. He feels gentle fingers stroking his hair; he slaps it away, of course. The bed shifts, then Steve’s fingers are caressing his check, and Steve’s hot breath against his neck is making his skin tickle.

\- “Buck, babe, wake up, I’m home,” – Steve says, the irritating punk, – “Babe, wake up, it’s 1p.m.” – what is it whit people always denying him his constitutional right to sleep as long as he pleases? The Land of the Free, they say; what a joke.

\- “Hmm,” – Bucky answers, – very coherently, thank you very much – without opening his eyes. Steve kisses his temple, it feels nice but sleep is nice too.

\- “I brought you presents,” – well, that’s as good reason as any to get up. And Steve’s home, finally. Surely Bucky is going to get some real good sleep later, when he’s tired and boneless and pressed up against Steve.

Bucky opens his eyes and it better be a good ass present, he likes presents. He half sits up against the headboard, yawning all the way, and trying not to disturb Peggy. He already feels the piercing need for coffee or sex, whatever comes first.

\- “Prim dies,” – Bucky says to Steve, because he is really, _really_ , not a morning person. Steve looks at him shocked, and hurt, and lost, and as psychologically destroyed as Bucky felt thirty-six hours ago. Bet now the star spangled man understands Bucky’s need to cuddle and sleep for a week.

Bucky ignores him in favor of getting a look at his presents; Steve brought him chocolate and whiskey, two of Bucky’s favorite things and just what he needs right that moment.

Nobody can ever say that Captain America is a bad boyfriend.

 

* * *

 

That night when Bucky comes out of the bathroom, wearing a ‘Team Peeta’ t-shirt and totally ready for sex, he informs Steve of Peggy new sleeping place.

\- “What?” – Steve replies, sitting on their bed with Bucky's Mockingjay copie in his hands; he’s been practically devouring the book, gasping and saying ‘No’ every now and then, his eyes are red and swollen because he’s been crying silently since Peeta came back brainwashed.

\- “Peggy is going to sleep on your shield,” – Bucky tells him, very slowly.

\- “Why?” – he asks, sounding utterly shattered. Bucky thinks perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to throw Peggy’s new arrangement when Steve’s already so emotionally devastated; perhaps Bucky should take the book away from him before he reaches the Finnick part; perhaps Peggy should sleep on Steve chest one last night. Hell no!

\- “Because I _like_ sex,” – Bucky sighs. He picks up his I ‘heart’ Captain America t-shirt from where he tossed it on the floor before his bath, and drapes it around Peggy, who’s been staring at him sitting comfortably on Steve’s lap. He puts the shield flat on Steve’s side of the bed, the thing already stayed on the carpet next to Steve all night, so no big deal. Steve still too mentally crushed to protests.

Peggy meows at him when he lays her on the shield – “We’ve talked about it,” – Bucky reminds her, she meows one more time before closing her eyes. Bucky climbs up the bed and on Steve lap, and even if Steve is too heartily smashed to do anything more than cuddle, Bucky can’t help but feel very much pleased with the world.

Steve bought a cat. They adopted a cat. And it isn’t half as bad as Bucky had first thought. It isn’t bad at all.

The future is _truly_ weird.

**Author's Note:**

> Excuse my English!


End file.
